![]() We either avoid closeness ourselves or become attached to someone who avoids intimacy, providing the distance that we need to feel safe. (See my blog Your Intimacy Index.)Īs adults, we become afraid of intimacy. Also, without recovery, codependents, which include all addicts, have difficulty in sustaining intimacy. When one partner is addicted, the other may feel neglected, because the addiction comes first. Of course, when there is high conflict, abuse, addiction, or infidelity, these emotional needs go unmet. As soon as the “act” is over, they return to their disconnected, lonely state. They may even say loving things to each other or “act” romantic, but there’s no intimacy and closeness. Most people think they shouldn’t have to ask, but after the first rush of romance when strong hormones drive behavior, many couples get into routines that lack intimacy. In order to get our emotional needs met, not only do we need to know what they are, but we must value them and often actually ask for them to be met. We have many emotional needs in intimate relationships. We may just feel, blue, lonely, apathetic, irritable, angry, or tired. If we’re not aware of our emotional needs, we won’t understand what’s missing in our relationship with ourselves and with others. ![]()
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